The Dark Abyss

I am falling, like the sky on those warm summer nights. Sitting along on the bench watching the clouds roll by, I seem to wonder where I will end up, and yet at the same time, I know. The pit of loneliness, expresses life. The light at the end of the tunnel does not exist, so why try? The big picture is not a way to look at things if you end up getting bogged down. So I say again, why try? Energy and resources are being wasted. There is no point. I am close to the point of no return, and yet, it feels right.

Paradise and war.

I was sudenly caught off guard yesterday as I noticed that Spring break is 2 weeks away! I am overly joyed to see that because my family and I are going to the wonderful paradise island of Oahu. I have been needing this break for quite some time. I plan on doing a lot of flirting and eating. It shall be a time to remember. We have not made any plans as of now, which is making me slightly anxious as I am worried that we won't have enough fun stuff to do. We'll see how it goes.

Moving on to my feelings an emotions. War. Having not experienced war first hand, I have only the opinion I've seen in movies, heard veterans talk about, or seen on the national media. Now saying that I have not seen Communist News Network in quite some time, I cannot blame them for anything this time. NPR has been quite resourceful in giving me opinions about the current events in Libya. Now since the president committed an offense punishable by impeachment, I have lost respect. Some democrats in high places have been very hypocritical in the past few years, which is okay, because some times they are. I'm used to this by now. Although, I can say I applaud the president for sending some messages over there to Libya, even if the process in which it happened could have been improved. We as Americans need to get our butts in there and kick some Libyan dictatorship butt! I want a full declare on war right now to get in there and get the job done. You may think I am not thinking this through all the way, but you could not be more wrong. I do think that other countries would stand up for Libya, which would cause another WW3 by means of how WW1 started. This is completely okay with me, because I know the United States has God on our side, and we will pull out in the end. We need to eliminate all countries who oppose us. Why did we invent the hydrogen bomb, and the AC130 if we aren't going to use them to bomb the crap out of wimpy countries who want to kill us all? Let's do this Leroy Jenkins style and show what we can do. What would be so bad if we wiped out a couple of terrorist nations? Just mass produce those H-bombs and git 'r done!

Destination Isolation, conflicting views, old habits.

The dance did not go as planned. I asked no one to dance. I'm not really sure why, it just didn't happen tonight. I think I was expecting something different to happen. I'm falling into a pit of despair and loneliness as I was years ago. This is me though, I think I will finally be truly happy.

Singing, and Dancing

Today is the multi-school dance. From what it sounds like it shall be very epic. I just said shall, which reminds me of "This Too Shall Pass" by Ok Go. If you haven't heard it check it out! Besides that, back to the dance. So me and Fernando are going to be dressing up as top gun actors. I'll most likely introduce myself as Tom Cruise. I got my brown leather jacket, my 80's Aviator shades, and my white t-shirt with blue jeans goin' on. It will be a very epic dance. I feel very nervous for this dance because my old 'anti social' self is setting off alarms in my head about meeting new people. I will fight that and try to socialize with many beautiful young women. If things turn out right, I may get some lip action ;) at least that's what Kota and me decided. It has been 2 very long years since that magical feeling of happiness. I feel as if I need to let loose and really experience high school. 

If you don't know, I'm in the cast for Les Miserables. Now when I first saw this musical, I hated every living second of it. When I heard about the try outs, I figured it would be cool to try new things and see how it goes. I'm already very anxious about getting up in front of audiences and singing my 2 lines full of solo, but I have a really huge fear of stage fright which I was trying to overcome. We will see where that ends up. Although I feel as though I found my inner self that wondrous yesterday when we(the guys) sang in front of the cast the prologue. I started off, and finished my first solo off tune, which I will need to work on, but besides that, the 2nd solo seemed to work well. I feel confident that this will all engulf my inner feelings of stage fright if I am well prepared.

Emotions of the day.

Let me start off by saying hi. What exactly is hi? Some immature people among reading that word would automatically associate it with 'High'. once again that is a psychological issue caused by hanging around friends that would make jokes of that sort of thing.

Enough of tangents though. Let me express my feelings towards things I feel need to have feelings towards. First of all, if you know me, I am normally pretty chill. I don't over-react too often. I have snapped at people in person only about five times. All these times have been because of emotional build up with me neglecting to release them. I do need to work on expressing my feelings better, which I have improved with today. As I turned that 90 degree corner today trying to be a 'bad A', thoughts crossed through my mind. I immediately reflected to paste experiences of drifting in snow parking lots. I have been in vehicles who have hit sidewalks like that before, although it seems to be different on dry asphalt at 35 MPH and hitting it at the right angle. With the final result of me feeling like I was punched in the gonads. My car limping to the parking spot where it rested until the tow truck arrived, seemed to call out to me and say "you sir are one stupid teenager". As I contemplated that thought further, it turned out to be my conscience.

I think I expressed emotions on a highly logical level of what I was experiencing, at least in my perspective. I felt very desolate, lifeless, and a distinct feeling of sorrow. I did not actually react to the situation in full until I thought about punching someone in the face. I know feel bad about this knowing that the person I wanted to punh and curb stomp had some slight mental issues. I had to resort to other means which involved kicking over a chair and pouting. Now, not many people actually care how you feel, or want to intervene, or would even know how. So after about 30 minutes of that I had to build a mental bridge, and get over it. It's life, sometimes it sucks, and yet we keep striving forward towards that everlasting goal of Perfection.

Thank you for your time and effort in reading my feelings. I feel that I will be able to express them better on this rather than the Vlogs, which are geared more towards comedy anyway. Please excuse any spelling and grammar mistakes, because I got most of my education in Juab.